Let’s be honest here. ‘Early Bird’ is not my second name. I have been waking up to a radio alarm clock set to a local radio station that manages to piss me off on a regular basis. The only good thing about it that it has a short snooze intervals and natural light. So I have been thinking about how to optimize being woken up. And mumbling “jus gimme finve more minnes” to your co-sleeper just gets less and less polite every day. Waking up is, after all, an important part of your day, well, d’uh, the beginning. Who am I kidding. If that would be true, all my days would be horrible… And although my research for a suitable method of disengaging myself of Morpheus’ realm was a waste of time and turned up nothing, it did lead me into the bizarre abyss of weird alarm clocking. If you want to snooze in horror, follow me!

First off, you got your basic garden variety of jumping, dancing and flying asshole clocks.

Ok, just this last one gets me in a bad mood alerady. Clocky is kind of cute though, reminds me of R2-D2.

And who would ever want to sleep on a LED display? Besides, I doubt that this alarm clock’s strategy to disguise itself as a lovable, ‘happy’ pillow would work on anyone. I despise alarm clocks, and I do not think that “keep your friends close, but your enemies closer” applies here.

Now, let’s look at some modded D.I.Y. varieties. Biggest and loudest go first!

Apparently, alarm clock has gone all web 2.0 without me. There is Sleep.FM, a social alarm clock.

If you still are thinking, “WHAT, friends choose my alarm sound?”, then think of a Social Alarm Clock like waking up to your favorite FM radio station. The only difference is the pleasant sounds that wake you were chosen by friends to start your day off with a smile, a laugh and or a reminder that you are important to them.

… yada yada yada. It connects via Facebook, and it does not support Android (yet).

If you are feeling risky, there is also a “chatroulette” app variety of the social alarm clock. You get a wake-up call by a total stranger.  Or, if noone feels up to the job, by a computer voice. Creepy! Also, the guys who made it got an award for the most useless start-up.

If you want to go all Milgram Experiment on someone, look at this social alarm clock.

“Our tangible prototype was, of all things — an alarm clock. We called it the Trust Alarm Clock. The design brief was simply to make an alarm clock that embodied the principle — an alarm clock that highlighted the idea that trust is a relationship between people. At the same time, it was a platform that allowed us to experiment with this simple principle. As you will see, it is an almost absurd object. But it was the response to the brief that we made, without questioning our motivations, but rather following our curiosity on the topic of Trust.
“The clock is best described directly. It consists of two components. The main component is not unlike a conventional bedside alarm clock. The second sits nearly where one would expect the canonical “snooze” button of a conventional alarm clock. This second piece is a small, removable “fob”.“When one sets the desired time to wake up, the fob is programmed with a digital count down timer.“The alarm setting ritual starts when one sets the wake-up time using a dial on the back of the clock. While doing this, the fob timer is configured so that its count down would expire and the fob would “alarm” when the alarm clock setter would like to wake up. The ritual is completed when the fob is removed from the main component and given to a most trusted friend. In that ritual of handing over the fob, the network of trust is established and embodied. The “handshake” of the passing represents the creation, or the invigoration of trust in its most elemental form. Handing over the fob signals that there is Trust amongst this small, two-person social network.
If one wants to wake up — or be woken up — one must first consider a number of things. Primarily — who do I trust to wake me up? Who would I want to be woken up by? To whom do I want to convey that I do indeed trust them?…”
Thank you, Bruce Sterling, for pointing out this weird piece of design.
I still have not found a way of being woken up that agrees with me. No wonder, with all the modern stuff around.

Maybe, I will return to the classics and be awakened by bird song.