Category: Shameless self-advertising

Talking about games!

Hi! I decided not to write a blog post, but try something new instead. I recorded what I wanted to write. It’s so different, you can’t just backspace and delete your mistakes.

In April 2016, I recorded a very non-professional video about some games I had recently enjoyed. I was too chicken to post it, because the audio is crap, this is the first time I edited a video and I’m not a native speaker and I say “ummm” a lot. But whatever, this is raw! Also, the games are probably really cheap on Steam now that it’s 2017!

Hello, readers. If I still have any. My last post here was in 2016 and it was not a happy one. Apologies might be in order. Here are the main reasons why I have not been posting:

  1. I’ve been writing my dissertation. It’s been the focus of my life, period. Good progress is being made, I just drafted the third chapter. For my academic interests, you can read my other blog,
  2. Twitter. Damn you, 140 characters! It’s much easier to tell you about something fascinating just dropping a note or retweeting and article. You can follow me @thiliel.
  3. I’ve been writing fan fiction. In March 2014, I started writing an epic whopper of a story which might very well shape up to be the first work of fiction that I actually finish. It’s a story set in the BBC Sherlock universe. Sherlock, John and (Greg) Lestrade have to solve a case and figure out their love lives. I adore these characters and I wear them like a second skin. The story is up to 30,000 words now and it’s not that bad, so I’m sharing it.

So, you see, I’ve written like half of two books and tweeted 2,000 x 140 characters. Will you forgive me?

Anyway, I’m back here, and I’ve been gaming a lot, so expect a review of ‘Mass Effect: Andromeda’ to magically appear in the next days. In the meantime, go read my other stuff to keep you busy.


Super Mario Kart Turnier

Auf dem Waldeck Freakquenz 20. August 2016 planen wir nicht wie die letzten fünf Jahre ein Tetris-Turnier, sondern probieren mal was Neues.

Hier geht’s zur Voranmeldung!

Live VJing

Here is some live VJing I did for the International Orchestra of the United Kingdom of Goats @ Waldeck Freakquenz 2014. I used Avenue.

Sorry for the poor sound quality, there are some things a GoPro can’t do.


Hey, we finally edited some of the GoPro material we filmed on our festival, Waldeck Freakquenz.

See our retro gaming café, our Kinect sandbox, bands, enthusiastic Tetris chanting and further awesomeness.


Same procedure as every year. Our annual 2015 Tetris contest was a bit chaotic this time: Few players, unrecorded games, winners vanishing and so on. But fun nonetheless. And I won 2nd place. Whoo!

Here are the highlights. Enjoy!

At the notorious Waldeck Freakquenz Festival  in Germany, a Tetris Contest takes place each year. For the first time we set up a stream on where people could comment games live. It was a blast and we are proud to present this year’s highlights!


by Lena van Beek


How did I end up here, you ask? Well, actually, that’s a long story. Not really a long one, though. Like all stories in real life, this one does not have a happy ending. As you know. You are so used to everything resolving and coming out nicely at the end. But not here. There you go. Out here, people loose their jobs, they don’t get to marry the love of their life or to fuck the girl they always had a crush on, and they often die, too – sometimes they go crazy. But let’s start a the beginning, not at the end, because you already know how it will end, right? Exactly, with me being here, talking to you little bugger to pass time.

I always was kind of a weird kid. Kept to myself, mostly. Never played outside, never had friends except those I let copy my homework at school. I never felt lonely, tough. My parents didn’t really care about me – I mean, they did love me and feed me with food and TV and all that stuff parents should do, I was never beaten or abused so don’t you try get to me with that Freudian shit, it won’t apply here. My mother was a nurse and my father had the noble occupation of being a professional asshole at nameless company. You don’t care about company names when you’re still peeing your pants now, do you.

So, when exactly did it all start? I was like, what, five, when I had my first thing. It is somewhat hard to describe, because I never really thought about it, it just came to me naturally. I could… well, see things. I was alone a lot so I guess I started making me some company. I didn’t exactly read much nor watch lots of TV, but some stuff stuck to me. So one day I was happily splashing in the family bath tub, which, at that time, seemed very large to me, as do most things when you are small and the world is infinitely bigger than you, and every object has its own mystery, its own story to tell you if you just care to explore it. You could have fit three boys my size inside that bath tub, and I had a few toys – a rubber shark, a wooden ship, and a barbie some cousin of mine had left at our house at the last family get-together. And as little boys usually are, I was very impatient, I wanted to get out and do stuff, I was bored, so I tried to play with the toys my parents thought I liked, but toys never worked on me for some reason. I just pushed the barbie doll underwater to see if it came up again on its own. It didn’t. The rubber shark did, though, and the wooden ship with a thin layer of lime upon its plastic sails did, too. Great. Now could I get out, please? Of course, I wasn’t that cynical yet when I was a kid, but I guess you could say I already had the basics of my later character laid out and I was preconditioned to be a nag.

My fingers started to shrivel, I stared at the barbie at the white bottom of the tub. Still lying there, green hair floating in the lukewarm water. It grew a fishtail for some reason. Just as I leaned over to take a closer look at what might be an illusion caused by circulatory collapse, being in hot water way too long, I slipped. My head hit the edge and my face hit the water, and I blacked out for a second and panicked. Someone said „Hi, dear.“ When I opened them again, I screamed. A little. No bottom in sight. I was underwater, and bubbles emerged from my mouth. But as it turned out, the mermaid-barbie was quite nice and took me to some Ariellesque underwater party with fish and seals and a nice Neptun-like uncle and we had so much fun.

Yeah, right. Don’t look at me like that, pal. I know what you think. But wait until you hear this, then you’ll really think I’m nuts. I never told my parents any of the stuff that was happening to me, though it was hard to me to keep myself from screaming when it went bad. And it was bad a lot. Like that one time when I was stumbling through that wintery forest with Bambi and his mom, my nose running and instantly spawning tiny icicles. You could hear their stomachs growl down to Paraguay. I was the first one to cave in. They started tearing away at my flesh, sinews and tissue hanging out of my blue-cold skin and hyperbolically red blood pouring into the Disney-white snow.

Have you ever been eaten alive by deer? No? In retrospect, I can tell you, it’s quite interesting. They basically treat you like a tree, they rip off your skin with their sharp runty teeth, like they’re peeling the bark off, until they get to the better, softer parts.

But you see, there was that to it, too. Talk about kids having a vivid imagination. It’s true, I seemed to process bits and pieces of that media multiverse that subconsciously digged into my head, whether I wanted it to or not, and then – transform into something so entirely weird, I couldn’t influence it in any way. I couldn’t tell myself to stop thinking about it or making it up, because I wasn’t. Nor could I distract myself, these episodes just popped into my head like paperback visions.

It wasn’t until later in my life when I realized it was all sort of conntected. When I came into that certain age when you suddenly notice that this thing dangling between your thighs is actually there for a reason. The only thing you think about is how can manage to sneak out of class for a couple of minutes to relieve yourself because the teacher’s knockers give you a boner. I had normal fantasies, I guess, until I had this episode about Alice. Little innocent Alice sucking away gently at the caterpillar’s tail, salivating its massive ring segments until it was wet and hard enough to slide between her buttocks and pop her cherry. Standing bent over the giant mushroom, occasionally cramming a little of it into her mouth, she was getting her brains fucked out. Rubbing her labia against it, screaming and moaning but not a sound to be heard, just a giant „O“ hovering above her head. Over time, the caterpillar’s body miraculously grew additional segments, slowly winding around her lithe and lissom body until she was getting it everywhere…

When I opened my eyes, I was ashamed because I had jerked off in my undies without touching myself or even noticing. Ever since I get turned on by gals wearing blue skirts. Once the brain has been kinked, it can’t be unkinked.

I lived. Not thinking. I graduated, eventually, best of class. I had bad sodes during the ceremony and puked all over the makeshift stage. You wouldn’t think that now, if you look at me, that I could have had it all. But what is that, all? Had had nothing in my life anyway, except school and TV and sodes. I couldn’t really think of anything else to do and I wanted to go on not having to think, because thinking makes me nervous. So I enlisted.

You know how they have you do tests before they even think of you as something?

Your motivations don’t count, your experience don’t count, your training ain’t important. All that they care about is not your body, not your abilities, but your mind.Which is the only thing you are really going to put to use up here, anyway.

During the wars, oh, that didn’t matter, they simply needed someone to push buttons, unleashing nuclear hell upon civilizations. But nowadays, C.O.’s most peculiar interest is rather not to fuck up a mission. Because, you know, billions of dollars in expensive hitec gear, and they are unwilling to take the risk of somebody going completely bonkers on ’em, so they can kiss their longterm investment good-bye as they see it crashing into an asteroid, the pilot screaming ‘La Paloma’ at the top of his lungs, dancing around naked with porn magazines in deep space.

I ain’t going crazy on them, they made darn sure of that. Or maybe I had just the right level of craziness that they were looking for.

It wasn’t like I was applying for a normal job, but like I was being casted to be part of a new elite. At least, that’s what they told us. It didn’t feel very elite, though, it felt like being a lab rat.

They put us in saunas, with numbers on them. No windows. Just sitting in a box without food or water, struggling to keep up to nonsense tasks. Like, I had a keyboard right in front of me, and everytime a key flashed I was supposed to punch it as fast as possible. And that was real fast, as I learned the hard way. With time passing on, everything started to blur. I tried to stay awake. I wish they wouldn’t have shaved our hair and eyebrows off, sweatdrops kept running down my head and into my eyes.

I started having sodes again, not in the usual scary way, but they helped me get through it. They were good, friendly sodes like that day I almost drowned in the bathtub. When they just let you sit there, for hours, days, weeks, you’ve got no idea how long, I was in Cinderella’s pumpkin carriage. Well, you’ve done it, too, you know the drill. Time stops existing. You had no way of knowing how long you were in this thing, and then, you stopped caring. Because it wasn’t important. The only thing that is important is serving your country, as the voice kept telling me in the dark, loving it and being loved. Protecting it, too. But mostly: loving it.

I was right. I didn’t have to think at all, despite what they told us at the beginning. I did not mind the darkness, nor the cold, the heat, the loneliness and I guess they were waiting for me to crack like many others must’ve done. When there was food, there was something in it that sometimes made me drowsy, sometimes it made me able to concentrate harder. Whatever.

Yeah, of course I know what it is now, dumbass. I take it every frigging day. You couldn’t live without it, could you. So basically, that’s it. You know it from there. I came here, met you guys, worked my ass off. Believe it or not, I actually had a good time. What would they have said back then, it’s been an honour serving with you? Fuck that. When the oxygen runs out, there’s gonna be no honour whatsoever, just choking and gasping and sleeping and dying.

You know what bugs me most about it? All that couldn’t entirely stop me from thinking. I still am and I won’t stop. Now, you know what this ship looks like to me right now? A big pumpkin carriage. Yep, that’s right. So, this is how it’s going to end. The harsher the reality, the pleasanter the illusions of the mind and vice versa. What do you care if I talk and use up so much air, they won’t come get us anyway. Now, what’s your story?


We are proud to announce that there will be a third Waldeck-Freakquenz festival this year on 13th-14th september 2013. I think we fairly established the awesomeness of this festival by now. 2012 was the best party yet. 


We need more visitors to get out of this alive, though. Last time, we had a little over 100 paying happy visitors and we barely made it out in the black. If you would like Waldeck-Freakquenz to continue, bring more friends and family into the enchanted forest with you next time. Tell everyone you know about us. This way, more people will have a great weekend and the team of volunteers will be able to keep on organizing this little festival in the future.


As always, ten spots for bands are open. This stage could be yours for an hour.


Which genres do you want?

Basically we had a pretty weird mix last time; indie, stoner rock, ska core, drone, electro and what have you. We are not set in any ‘genre bounds’ – if your band is deemed awesome by our jury, you will play.

How do we apply?

Contact us at with a link to your album or song material.

When will we know?

The jury will convene sometime in March. We will tell you as soon as we know who will get to play.

How do we get there?

You’ll need a car and some directions. If you google Burg Waldeck, you will get wrong hits. The address is Waldeck Weg 1, Dorweiler. But it is sort of in the middle of nowhere.

Is there a reason not to apply?

Absolutely not!


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Lene’s Top Ten 2012

You know the drill. Top Ten 2012 – that means not only albums/eps/singles that were released in 2012, but the things I listened to continually and/or blew my mind in 2012. 2012 has not been a good music listening year, but rather a good music making year. So lots of output, less input. But maybe something interesting might still catch your ear.

10 Kampfstern – Splosions

I know it’s not exactly kosher to advertise one’s own music. But since we have a category for “Shameless self-advertising” here on headbugz, I figured it’s alright. And to be frank, I listened to my own tracks a lot this year because of frequent rehearsals, statistically speaking. We had a great performance @ Waldeck-Freakquenz 2012, thanks to everyone who was involved – again. Video credit goes to the amazing Haegi @ The Barn. 2013 will be the birthdate of the album “Splosions”. It will be done when it’s done.

9 Fever Ray – Fever Ray

I know, they’re already on since forever, but I just started listening and digging it recently.

8 Warren Suicide – Requiem for a Missing Link

7 Rasputina – Sister Kinderhook

Another album by cello project Rasputina made the list this year. Can’t listen to it all the time, but it has its moments.

6 The Presets – Pacifica

I still have not really gotten into their rather weird new album, but it rotated frequently in the last part of this year. Like the last album, Apocalypso, it will probably ripen with time like an exquisite cheese or wine.

5 Woodkid – Iron EP

I’m not sure whether I really like the music or not, but the overall impression is overwhelming. Especially the video style is haunting in its atmosphere and implications… Could have seen him live and for free because an old friend of Thias’s was playing support for him in Hamburg, but sickness got in the way. This year, maybe.

4 Andy Stott – Luxury Problems

Just space out.

3 Devin Townsend – Epicloud

Unlike his last album, ‘Deconstruction’, this one was an instalike. Saw him live again this year and it was his best concert yet. Seeing ‘Grace’ performed live, invisible choire or not, was an incredible experience. Thank you Devin, wishing you all the best for 2013!

2 Burial – Kindred EP

Shrouded dupstep by Burial has been my tube soundtrack for some time now. Dizzyingly beautiful soundscapes on this EP. Also made some interesting remixes (Thom York, Jamie Woon etc.).

1 Firewater – Psychopharmacology

Alltime favorite band around Tod A. resurfaced in my playlists last year.

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